Contemplations
by Tempest78
Summary: Bankotsu is sitting alone one night thinking about everything that has happened. Kikyo who is also deep in thought stumbles on to him and he invites her to join him for a bit of a talk enlightening her as to how they have so much in common. FE Ban/Kiki First time Pairing.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or its characters, only this little plot line and the past I have created explaining why Bankotsu became the way he did.**

**A/N: This is my first attempt at A Kikyo/Bankotsu one shot. I hope everyone enjoys it.**

'_I never thought you'd be so beautiful,'_ Bankotsu sat reminiscing about his encounter with the dead priestess several months back.

He muttered, "Yes beautiful." Her pale skin and deep soulless eyes entered his mind. _'What is it that I found so beautiful about her?'_

He started mentally listing off her assets. Her complexion wasn't so different than any other woman's, nor was her hair or even her figure.

And then it hit him, her eyes. It was her elegant eyes, deep brown that held so much inner turmoil. They reminded him of what he hid away from the rest of the world on a daily basis.

He sighed and stared up at the darkened night sky decorated with small stars that twinkled with a heavenly glimmer against the background of the deep black sea. Crickets chirped quietly through the night. They were sounds of nature, of existence, of… _life_.

His chest filled with longing for what they were both continually denied.

Bankotsu shifted around on the fallen log of a campsite long ago abandoned and thought back to when he and his comrades had roamed the lands together. _'Why am I still in this world?'_

A rustle from the trees to his right caused him to jump to his feet with Banryu poised to defend. Blue eyes widened and a single word escaped his lips.

"Kikyo."

The dead priestess blinked and grabbed an arrow. She pointed it at him. "Bankotsu."

His eyes fell to the arrow and then flickered back to hers. "I don't know where Naraku is." He leaned Banryu against his shoulder.

"I don't know where Inuyasha is either."

Kikyo gazed down the tip of her notched arrow. "Why do you continue to behave wickedly?"

Bankotsu smirked. "Why do you hate me so much when we have so much in common?"

Her eyes narrowed. "We are nothing alike."

He grinned. "Don't yearn for life? Isn't that why you steal the souls of others?"

Her brows furrowed.

"Don't you seek to avenge your death?" He watched her bow shake and then lower. He stepped forward. "What makes us so different in your eyes?"

"You will only continue your wicked actions."

He chuckled. "You have also killed countless demons. Yet you condemn me for it and not yourself?"

She sneered. "I'm nothing like you."

His eyes danced with amusement. "I have to disagree with you on that one, miko."

"Explain."

He smirked and relaxed his stance. "Tell me Kikyo, were you loved as a child or were you shunned?"

She frowned. "What has that to do with anything?"

He drove Banryu into the ground and resumed his seat. "More than you think. Sit and we will talk."

She eyed him suspiciously.

He sent her an amused grin. "I thought you wanted to know why I think we are not as different as you'd like to think?" He raised a brow and waved his hand for her to join him.

She replaced her arrow in its quiver and sat on a small patch of grass. "Explain."

He gave her a humorless smile. "Is it truly wicked to kill and cause pain, when all you have ever known is violence and contempt?" His eyes locked to hers.

She stared at him and frowned.

He released a heavy sigh. "From the second I entered this world, I was condemned to be feared and shunned. I don't even know who my sire was, only that he raped the woman who birthed me."

She motioned for him to continue. He spread his knees closed his eyes. He spoke in an emotionless voice. "As far back as I can remember she shunned me, cursing me for the devil's son. The day I turned five she kicked me out into the streets and dulled her pain by drinking herself into a stupor."

Kikyo's lips pursed and she titled her head to one side. _'How could any woman turn her back on her child?'_

One hand balled into a fist on his thigh. "The people of my village were no different than her. I had to steal bread just to eat and the kids would kick me as if I were a lowly dog until I passed out, whenever I was caught stealing."

He scowled and opened his eyes allowing her to briefly glimpse the pain in them. "I would lay in the streets freezing at night because I didn't even have a blanket to keep me warm. If I tried to return home, she would slap me around and scream at me and then kick me out again. That is, if her newest male visitor didn't beat me around with her watching and cheering him on first."

He blinked and adapted an emotionless mask. "Needless to say I quickly learned never to return home. I became an expert thief and pick pocket. Eventually I found myself an abandoned shack to hole up in during the winter and I defended it with my life."

Her brown eyes never left his blue ones.

"When I grew old enough and strong enough to fight back, I did return one last time and asked her why she hated me so much. Her answer was a fist to my face. I punched her back and didn't stop."

He scoffed. "I beat her so bad that I ended up killing her. I walked away and never bothered with her after that. Then when I was strong enough to effectively wield a weapon, I trained myself and when I turned fourteen, I went back and destroyed everyone, every last man woman, child, and animal; by any means necessary."

He sighed heavily. "It was shortly after that that I met Jakotsu." He closed his eyes and quietly mourned the loss of the only person he'd ever called friend.

_'And so began his life of evil.'_

He opened his eyes and stared at her with a blank expression. "I was condemned for a crime I didn't even commit, before ever being born. I spent my life being condemned and scorned, simply because of my existence."

He stared directly into her eyes. "So I ask again, can you truly consider my actions wicked and condemn me for them, knowing that hatred fear and isolation are all I've been shown from the very moment of my birthing?"

'_He has suffered much for one so young, but that does not excuse the suffering he has caused.' _Her eyes dimmed. "That is still no excuse for causing so much pain yourself."

Bankotsu snorted. "Isn't it?" He leaned forward with his arms on his knees. "Tell me Kikyo, how can you sit there while your lover takes another? Despite all that you have suffered for him, Inuyasha has taken another woman as his mate."

She stared at him and her lips remained closed.

"Can you honestly sit there and tell me that you do not feel anger or resent towards him now? You've suffered through death itself for him and yet he has cast you aside like a dirty rag and replaced with you with her." Flashes of coming across the younger priestess and hanyou coupling in the dark of night in the woods a few weeks back filled his mind.

The mercenary leader shook his head violently to dispel the unwanted memories. He'd been so grossed out that he quickly turned around and walked back the way he'd come at a hurried pace, trying desperately to quell his roiling stomach.

He snorted derisively, "Is that what you call love? If it is I want no part of it!" His hands fisted in his lap. "Can you still honestly claim to love Inuyasha after all that has happened to you? Even knowing that he has taken your reincarnation as his mate?"

She remained silent. Sadness and betrayal filled her eyes.

"As for my killing innocents, haven't you tried to kill the young miko he travels with on more than one occasion?"

Her eyes dropped to the ground as the past events entered her mind. "Yes I have."

He smirked. "How is that any different than me seeking to avenge the murders of my brothers?"

She opened her mouth to say something in defense of her actions. She closed her mouth and stared at the ground in silence.

"It is no different. Now answer me this, if me seeking to avenge the deaths of my comrades is so wrong and 'wicked', then isn't it also wrong and wicked for you to desire revenge against Naraku?"

He snorted. "You are a priestess and sit there condemning me for being a murder, yet you are not much different than I."

He counted off on his fingers. "You too have felt the pain of isolation; you too yearn for the death of those who have wronged you. You have also felt the bitter taint of jealousy and the cold loneliness of abandonment." He grinned. "So you see priestess, we really aren't so different, you and I."

Kikyo's accusing eyes met his. "The difference is that I protect the innocent."

Bankotsu stood to his feet, his broad back lazily leaned against Banryu. His arms crossed in front of his chest. He snorted. "By stealing the souls of women who are trying to pass from this world, you claim to be 'protecting the innocent'?"

He arched a brow. "By trapping those women's souls within your own body and keeping them from passing over to the next world, simply so that you can linger a while longer in this one- are you not also condemning them?"

She quietly stood with her bow slung on her back and blinked.

A bit perturbed by her better than others attitude, his jaw clenched. "How can you claim to be protecting the innocent?" His blue eyes blazed with fire.

When she only remained silent staring at him he snorted. "Whatever," He freed Banryu from the ground and placed it to rest heavily on his strong shoulder.

He tapped the blade against his shoulder. "We share far more then you are willing to admit, miko. However, you are right about us being different too. I openly acknowledge my faults, where as you try to hide yours by focusing on those of others."

He watched uncertainty enter her normally clear and lifeless eyes. He smirked and spoke calmly. "We may share the fate of the dead Kikyo, but once I have avenged my comrades' deaths; **I** will be able to die in peace. I won't linger here wondering on the earth tied to this plain by some silly notions of a misguided love."

He grinned. "Can you say the same?"

Her eyes widened and her feet shifted.

He stared at her with something akin to pity in his eyes. After a minute he smirked and casually waved to her. He walked off quickly fading into the woods never to meet her again.

Long after the mercenary leader's departure Kikyo stood in that same spot. _'Could he be right? Am I truly doomed to remain wondering this earth even after death because of my unsettled feelings for Inuyasha?' _She stared up at the night sky, yet saw nothing.


End file.
